Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A note to an unknown person

Am I wrong? Am I wrong to love pain? The thrill it gives me? The release? The blood? Is it all wrong? Is my escape all a lie? A lie the razor tells me, as it glides agents my skin? As the stinging from my wrist collides with the yearning for him in my heart. And the gurgle of my stomach as it hasn’t had any food for days, as I try to be thin, to be perfect, to be pretty, for him. So that maybe one day he will love me. The way he says he does, and he will stay with me forever. And we will be happy. Or is that all a lie too? Am I just a lie? My whole existence? Am I just lying to everyone? Or maybe just myself? What if im just and empty space? If I died tonight would anyone rember me? Or am I just another empty desk at school? Do they even see me when they walk in? would they cry if I dissapered? Or would they just go one like nobody was ever there in the first place?

Sunday, November 8, 2009

a note to my ex

Let me start this by telling you, I HATE WHO YOU HAVE BECOME! You used to be the sweetest, niceties and most amazing guy I known, but scene we broke up you have changed so much. I mean I don’t even know you anymore! And the worst part is, I still love the man you used to be. But this new guy, there’s no words to tell you how much I despise him, which makes me miss the old you even more. I still cant stop thinking of that last day we spent together, it was to amazing. When im with you, or the person you used to be, I actually felt “pretty” and “loved.” But now, I feel like shit, couse I know I can never get that guy back. And no matter who I date or who I fall in love with, ill never forget how I loved you. and I know you will never find another girl that loves you more than I did, I put up with your shit to the point where it just about broke me, but I stayed, you wanna know why? Couse I knew I needed you, and I would never find a guy that makes me as happy as you did. When you left, something in me snaped, All I could think about was you, your laugh, your smile, your smell, your lips, but none of that mattered, couse I would never have that back, you loved her, you lied to me!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

A note to my dad

Dad I miss you, I rember the night you left, when I ran after you truck and all you would tell we was “I can’t do this anymore” I just wish you could have seen me and mommy that night the way trey wouldn’t believe me when I told him you left. You miss out on so much of our lives, I wish you could see your son, I wish you were here, to see me and trey grow up, instead of just here every 6 months, I miss you so much, I wish you and mommy could just work everything out and we could be a family again, I miss that, you know before all the fighting, when we were “happy.” I rember when we would take family trips to the beach and go out of town. I hated when you missed my birthdays, heack I still do, I miss my daddy there to help me blow out my candles, I can’t believe it’s been 3 years scence you left, it feels like you left just yesterday, And the reason I never call is I just try and forget you know. I know this sounds bad but talking to you makes me rember all the nights of fighting, yelling, screaming, crying. I still do that now, you think after 3years I would have stopped by now, mom things I need to let it all out, but I hate crying, just the way I makes me feel like I have hit my lowest point, I can’t take that feeling, I mean every time I hear a sad song I cry, I wish you could see me now, how much I have changed scene you REALLY been around me, I have grown up so much, I wish I had you in my life, sometimes it feels weird calling you “dad” I mean you’re never hear, you really don’t realize me and trey, he needs his dad, henrys not really the best dad in the world, I hate the way mom thinks he’s perfect she tries to get me to call him dad, I won’t, he’s not a dad ether, I guess you could say I don’t have a dad in some ways, your never around, and henrys sure as hell ant my dad, shit now I’m crying. I hate it when Henry comes home and yells, the way he does, I hate it. He’s too loud, I miss the way me and you would sneak icing and eat it, I rember mom would get so mad, I still do that now, sneak icing , I think of you every time. But it doesn’t taste as good without you, I rember I would get it all over me, I rember Christmas, how we would always get a real tree, we still do that, but it doesn’t smell as good now that your gone, I rember how you would put me on your shoulders and let me put the angel up, I miss that, Henry puts it up now, although I’m almost tall enough to put it up myself, I miss plating with your hair, the way you always had long hair I miss that, I miss the trailer, I know that’s hard to believe but I had so many memories, it’s like historic, in my point of view that whole town is.